Heartbreak

Do we ever truly heal from a heartbreak?

I mean really do we really ever get over having our heart torn from us, we instill all of our trust in this one person to not crumble us, but then they do. When i awoke this morning,i woke up up from a dream where my ex husband was with me instead of my boyfriend. That he had come home last night and i was gone to the store and when i got back there he was in his uniform waiting for me in the doorway. I dropped everything in my hands and stood there in disbelief. 

For one my ex husband left me right after i had our son 5 yrs ago, and so it was complete shock that he had come back at all. I spent a year and a half wishing he'd come back to me, that he'd show up and say he was sorry for leaving me in the first place, i was very delusional from heartbreak i believe, he never came back. 

Second, it has been really strange every once in a while i dream of him, sometimes its nightmares and sometimes its dreams like the one i had last night, where he comes home and we just lay together and drift to sleep. Last night in my dream he laid down on my bed on top of our covers and we didn't touch, we just talked about our lives and went to sleep, i woke up happy but incredibly sad. So what does that tell me now, that i really haven't gotten over him completely, will i ever is what confuses me..

I miss certain aspects of him, being able to talk about anything and everything,to joke around with each other, just laying on the floor with our kids and playing with blocks or coloring together as a family. His epically long emails he use to send to me even if he was just writing nonsense about his day, i'd love to read them. I don't get that in my relationship now, we don't communicate the same as we once did and i often wonder if its my fault. If i can't completely surrender my past how can i have a better future. 

This plagues me nightly...